variance, bad play, and the minute I turned it around.

8:04am Friday, August 14 2009

So this month has gone pretty much horribad. It started out great, bankroll at an all time high, about to start taking shots at 200nl etc. Then BOOOM variance. Variance has been super nasty to me the past couple of weeks. Unfortunately, I have allowed the variance to get to me and influence my game. As of right now, I think I'm playing the worst poker I have played since joining DeucesCracked. I feel that I have turned into a complete spew monkey/lagtard/calling station/wtfever all combined. Playing lag isn't the problem, but I'm for sure not in the right state of mind to make my minor pf mistakes profitable post flop. I have allowed the bad beats get to me more than I usually do. I think this is in part due to being worn down. I start out my sessions alright and then deteriorate from there. Some other mistakes I have made are playing too long because I'm stuck and not on my a-game. Classic mistakes. I also have been completely unhealthy this month. I have barely gone to the gym, I have eaten terrible, and not taken the breaks I should have from poker. Numbers wise I'm not doing terrible on the month as I'm only down 6 bi's at current moment. And 6 bi's is absolutely nothing to stress over, but in all fairness from my high point I'm down 12-1/2 bi's in 2 weeks. To be honest the fact that I'm down 12-1/2 bi's doesn't even bother me. What does bother me is the control that I feel I have let slip. It is tilting to know that my failures this month have been in large part, my own doing.

"Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around":

As of 8:04am Friday, August 14 2009 this minute is not like the other minutes that have passed me by this morning, yesterday, etc. This minute will not pass me by as this minute is special because it's the minute that I turn it around.

Most of you probably don't know that when I started this poker journey I had $8 in my fulltilt account, a new DeucesCracked membership, no clue (even though I thought I did), and a whole lot of hope. I have taken that $8 and gotten to just about 200nl in the past 10 months. As disappointed as I am with this month, I can't forget how far I have come in the past 10 months. I may not be playing mid stakes/high stakes yet, I don't have a $100k bankroll, I'm not perfect, I still have a lot to learn, but I'm pretty proud of how far I have come considering what I had to work with. And in this minute, a new beginning, I have a whole heck of a lot more to work with than a petty $8.

So what I wrote above about this month, is now the past. It doesn't matter anymore. Who cares. From this minute on I'm moving forward. As I recall Tommy Angelo said something along the lines of in the last ep of Eightfold Path there is no sense in worrying about how much you are down or where I was at, because where I'm at now is well, where I'm at.

Moving forward.

Outside of poker:

- I will get my butt back in the gym and clean out the cobwebs. Considering I'm sitting behind a computer screen about 90% of awake hours (work + poker), being physically fit is a necessity and it helps me be mentally fit.

- I'm going to begin researching a healthy diet and make an honest effort to eat healthy again. This will complement my physical activity and also aid in helping my mental health and brain power.

Poker:

- I have a really awesome opportunity to improve my game. The Poker Puzzle. I meant to dive into this a couple weeks ago, but I didn't. Since I'm going through this tough time, making changes, and growing as a player, what absolute perfect timing to have this opportunity. The timing is like a gift from god. By all means It's not going to be a miracle fix, but from everything I have heard about it, my capabilities, I'm super confident it will help me get to the next level and no doubt get me back on track. I couldn't be more thankful to have this opportunity. I WILL post a sick follow up graph when I have achieved it.

- I'm going to focus on playing less laggy. I don't know how I got to this point, but I need to get it under control. I was watching a coaching tree episode last night and Baluga was talking about playing a less variance style and improving my win rate at the time. Makes sense. That is my objective. I think it will be some minor but significant adjustments here and there. On the brightside, at least I have a lagtard image at 100nl to my opponents. And I'm sure some will read this and be aware, but I'm not worried about that.

- Evaluating my decisions more thoroughly. I feel through the bad month I have developed the attitude of omg he can't possibly of hit the miracle card AGAIN, so I call and yep he hit it. I have got to get back to utilizing the hand reading again and trusting my instincts even if it feels statistically impossible.

- After I finish my thorough study of The Poker Puzzle, I plan to up my series watching and get on the ball with moving to 200nl then mid stakes.

Downswings + variance really sucks, but you can use them to your advantage. They are obviously inevitable, but what you can do is use them to motivate you. Although a downswing doesn't always mean you are playing bad, there is never a reason not to study or improve your game. I think everyone can afford to improve at least a little bit more.

Why did I post this in the forum? Because I'm holding myself to the fire. If I veer of the path, then I will at least feel like everyone knows (even if they don't) and well DC is like my poker home and the members are my teammates and maybe in some way this post will help someone somehow. Well this has been long enough and sorry if it's been a waste. This is my plan and I'm sticking to it. Consider this the beginning of chapter 2.

"Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around"